His Redeeming Bride Page 7

  Someone came up behind her and gave her a big hug. “Sarah! I’m so glad to see you, and look at your baby!”

  Forgetting her anger, she smiled and turned around. “Caroline! I missed you.”

  “My husband and I are sorry about what happened with Jim. What a terrible tragedy.”

  “Yes.” What else could she say? That she was glad he was gone?

  Caroline put her hand on her arm. “I wish Hubert and the kids were better. My mother is with them right now so I can be here. I’d hoped to see you. I do want you to stay with us. We certainly have plenty of baby things, but I don’t want to risk your little angel getting sick.”

  Sarah’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, I already found a place.”

  “Really? Where?”

  She shifted from one foot to the other, the biting chill stinging her nose. The words had slipped and now she had to proceed. She released her breath in the cold air. “Not far.” When Luke let out a small whimper, she silently thanked him. “Luke has been a real blessing.”

  Caroline nodded. “He must be a comfort at a time like this.”

  Caroline and Sarah walked into the church. The white walls and wooden pews with the wooden pulpit didn’t seem the same, and Sarah couldn’t understand why she felt as if she had entered someone else’s church. She grew up here and married Jim here. It was all she knew. But it didn’t seem right.

  “You will sit with me?” Caroline asked.

  Sarah fought off the wave of claustrophobia that washed over her. The fifty gabbing people gathering into the small space overwhelmed her. She forced her mind on her dearest friend. “I’m sorry, Caroline. What did you say?”

  The younger woman’s face was one of sympathy. “What a terrible ordeal you’ve been through. It’s a wonder you can think with all the grief you’ve endured. Can I hold your son?”

  Sarah handed her Luke and sat next to her. Rachel, her other friend, came over to express her sympathy, and soon everyone else followed suit. Everyone asked how she was doing, and she was as vague as possible about where she found a place to stay. Fortunately, Luke would cry and she had to tend to him, giving her a perfect opportunity to avoid their questions. Though no one mentioned it to her face, she was well aware that they knew Jim had a gambling secret.

  When the preacher stood up, he gave his usual sermon about the dangers of associating with immoral people. “Their wicked ways will taint you. They will lead you into awful sins. And don’t think that just because they say they’ve changed that they really have. Their behavior is ingrained into them. They were born that way and they will always be that way. A man cannot spend his time cavorting in a whorehouse and be a good husband. He doesn’t know the first thing about treating a woman with respect and love. He will only use women and defile them with ungodly practices in the bedroom. Such things are shameful. You will become just as wicked and vile as him.”

  Sarah knew her face was a bright shade of red. Did he know? Did they all know where she found shelter? Was that why he brought up Neil in his sermon? He didn’t always discuss this topic. Oh, he must know. Her stomach tensed in knots. Luke’s cries didn’t help matters either. Everyone seemed to be watching her and shaking their heads. The preacher even pointed at her. Or at least, she thought he did. By the end of the sermon, she was sweating.

  Bolting out of her seat, she clutched Luke to her and rushed to the front door, only to be stopped by a group of men who blocked her exit, their large backs turned to her. They seemed oblivious to her. Clearing her throat, she said, “Excuse me, gentlemen. I need to get some fresh air.”

  They immediately let her pass, and she breathed a sigh of relief, glad to be out of that restrictive environment. The cold weather never felt so good on her hot skin.

  “Sarah? Is something wrong?” Rachel called out as she ran up to her.

  Sarah turned to the older woman, noting the concern on her face. “I...I had to take care of Luke. He needed to get outside.”

  Rachel pulled her aside so they were out of earshot of the group of people who mingled on the church steps. “We know, Sarah.”

  Sarah’s arms tightened around her son. Her ears hummed. It couldn’t be true. She’d been careful. “You...you do?”

  “It’s not your fault. We know you are innocent.”

  It suddenly dawned on her that Rachel wasn’t talking about Neil. “What?”

  Her friend rubbed her back. “None of us knew about Jim’s gambling problem until his death. We don’t blame you for what he did.”

  Sarah nearly collapsed with relief. “I had no idea he did that.”

  “Of course you didn’t. It was a horrible shock.”

  As Sarah allowed herself to be surrounded by people who offered their comfort to her, she felt a nagging sense of guilt when she considered how grateful she was that none of them knew her secret. By the time she met Neil and Emily who waited for her in the buggy at the vacant spot, she couldn’t look at them. How shameful she was. The preacher called men like Neil unredeemable sinners, but was she any better when she refused to acknowledge that a man like Neil had shown her more kindness in the past few days than the preacher had in the years she had known him?

  Neil wrapped his warm hand around hers, ready to help her into the buggy. She wanted to thank him, but the tears came and her voice choked. She couldn’t have felt worse about herself if she tried.

  “Are you in pain?” he asked, the concern in his voice making her cry even harder. He gently picked her up and put her in the buggy next to Emily. He searched his pockets until he found a handkerchief and offered it to her. “I have to get my mother but then we’ll be on our way and I’ll take it slow. Then I want you to lie down and rest. All right?”

  Managing a weak nod, she accepted the cloth from him and pressed it to her eyes. Her guilt weighed down on her like a pile of bricks. Why did Neil and Emily have to be so nice to her, showing her more care than most of the people in her life ever had? Why couldn’t Neil have been the monster that she thought he was? And, most of all, why did she have to care what others thought?

  ***

  Neil didn’t know what to do about Sarah. Upon returning home, she took her son to her room and spent the rest of the afternoon crying. She came to the kitchen and began cooking supper when his mother insisted on helping which, according to his mother, only made her break into another wave of hysterics.

  Now, as he talked to his mother while Ben and Cal cheered Emily on as she rode her horse in the gated section by the barn, he was at a loss in knowing what to do. “I don’t understand crying women,” he finally said.

  “Men usually don’t.” His mother smiled. “But I think she’s beginning to acknowledge her husband’s death. Being around the people who knew him may have reminded her of him. She lost her husband and her home. She’s dealing with a newborn. All of those must have taken a toll on her.”

  That made sense. Neil agreed with his mother’s analysis. “The only thing that will get her through it is time.”

  When his mother announced supper, he helped Emily unsaddle her horse and washed her up before sitting her at the table. He noticed that Sarah wasn’t in the kitchen. “Is she still in her room?” he asked his mother.

  She nodded. “She said she doesn’t have an appetite. I’ll save her some of this meal, and she can eat when she feels up to it. Meanwhile, would you take this hot cocoa up to her? She should at least have something to drink.”

  He took the ceramic mug and went up the stairs. He cringed. He could hear her crying from behind the closed door. Grief, he understood. Surely, he endured plenty of it from Cassie, but the continual sobbing was another thing. Bracing himself for dealing with a sad woman, he tapped on the door.

  Footsteps echoed on the floorboards until Sarah opened the door. Luke was sleeping in his bassinet. His first instinct when he saw her puffy eyes and red nose was to take off running down the steps.

  Planting his feet on the floor, he cleared his throat. “My mother said you aren’t hung
ry but wanted me to bring you something to drink.”

  Her lower lip trembled. “I don’t deserve it.”

  “Please, take it.” He thrust it in her direction, the hot liquid threatening to spill out of the mug. “It’s hot cocoa.”

  She accepted it. “Thank you.”

  “If you get hungry, we saved a plate for you. All right?”

  She nodded, staring at the cup in her hands.

  He sighed. “I know it can’t be easy for you, what with losing your husband and all. But you have Luke. He’s healthy and a good sleeper. At least you have something to remember your husband by.” Trite words. He knew that’s all they were, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Time will ease your pain.”

  More tears welled up in her eyes.

  “Forgive me, Mrs. Donner. I’m no good at this kind of thing. I’ll leave you alone.”

  He didn’t wait for her response. Instead, he hastened down the steps, relieved to be in the kitchen with his mother and daughter. When Cassie cried, it was a few tears and a glance in his direction to see if he noticed. When Sarah cried, it was for real, and he realized that a sincere woman scared him.

  He asked his mother to stay and help him with Sarah. What a crying woman needed was another woman since only another woman would understand her. But his mother informed him that Sarah wouldn’t talk to her. “There are some things too painful to discuss,” his mother concluded. “Sarah will heal. In the meantime, I’ll do the cooking and cleaning.”

  Neil thought this sounded like a good plan so he asked Jacob to go into town and pick up his mother’s things, but Sarah happened to be walking back to the house after making a trip to the privy and hurried over to him.

  “I have to work,” she told Neil. “Your mother doesn’t have to stay here. I know that I’ve been acting inappropriately today, but I will make up for it. I promise. Please don’t send me and Luke away.”

  “Jacob, will you excuse us?” Neil asked his farmhand. Once Jacob went back to the barn, Neil turned to her, wondering what she was talking about. “What’s this about me sending you and your son away? I don’t recall saying I was going to do that.”

  She clasped her hands together. “I haven’t been doing my part. You and your mother have been doing everything for me.”

  He crossed his arms so he wouldn’t hold her. She looked like she needed someone to hug her, but he knew he wasn’t the right person to do it. “We want to give you time to absorb everything that’s happened to you. You’ve been through a traumatic experience.”

  “I still need to do what I’m here for. I appreciate everything you and your mother have done for me, but I have to earn my keep. I don’t usually spend so much time resting. I’m going to stop doing that.”

  Her anxious expression, the way her eyes pleaded with him, and the way she wrung her hands tore at his heart. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Sarah, you’re only human. It’s all right to have some help. And don’t worry that I’ll send you away. You can stay for as long as you want.”

  “Obviously, this is a temporary arrangement. I understand that. I do have a friend who offered me a place to stay once her family recovers from an illness. She made the offer today at church. I will try not to be a burden in the time I’m here.”

  “Oh.”

  He didn’t realize she had another place to go to, and he questioned why the news upset him. He should be glad for both of them. He could go back to his normal life and she and her son would have a permanent place with someone from her church. Then things could be the way they were meant to be. And in that moment, it occurred to him that they were worlds apart. Her church would never accept him, and that meant she couldn’t either. She had to accept his help but he knew how the world worked. Though she might see him for who he was, her friends didn’t. He had been right to let her out of the buggy where he did so no one would see her with him.

  He managed a smile. “Well, you don’t have to worry about a thing. You’re welcome here for as long as you need to be.”

  She relaxed. “Thank you, Mr. Craftsman. I would like to help your mother wash dishes.”

  “Did you get anything to eat?”

  Blinking, she shook her head. “No. I’m not hungry.”

  “Far be it from me to tell you what to do but I’d feel better if you ate. You need your strength.”

  “You’re right. I’ll eat.”

  He watched her as she walked back to the house. In the short time she had been there, the place seemed less empty. But she would be moving out soon and it would be pointless to try to talk her into staying when she could be with her friend instead of with him. Though he loved Emily, he couldn’t talk to his daughter the way he could talk to an adult, and he felt a connection with Sarah he hadn’t felt with anyone in a long time. It was as if Sarah understood the pain of loneliness, of wishing for something that would never happen.

  That observation, of course, couldn’t be accurate. He had longed for Cassie to come around to loving him, but she didn’t and after awhile, he gave up. He remained faithful to her, knowing it was the right thing to do despite her infidelity. He was actually glad when she asked for the divorce. But Sarah...She had a good marriage, and though her husband was dead, she had the memories from their time together. It was wrong to envy Sarah those memories, and yet, he envied her all the same. And even though he envied her, he sensed a common thread between them, which was ridiculous because they had nothing in common. Two people couldn’t have been more different.

  “Should I get your mother’s things?” Jacob asked, interrupting Neil’s thoughts.

  Neil looked at the older man. “No. I’ll send her home.”

  Turning to the house, Neil went to do that.

  Chapter Eight

  Sarah dried the dishes and put them away, grateful that Neil was giving her another chance. She had to be strong. She spent too much time wallowing in her guilt. Guilt that didn’t solve anything. Sighing, she closed the last cabinet. If she had the courage, she would have told Neil to take her directly to the church. But he understood. He chose to drop her off so no one would see them together. Closing her eyes, she groaned. Knowing he understood didn’t make it any easier.

  “Sarah, are you all right?” Neil’s mother asked.

  Her eyes flew open and she quickly stood straight. “Yes. I’ll be fine.” She smoothed the hand towel and set it on the back of a chair so it would dry.

  Neil entered the house and turned his sky blue eyes to his mother. “Are you ready to head back home?”

  Gwen shook her head and walked over to him. “But I’m supposed to stay and help.”

  “I think it’s best if Sarah has time to figure out how she wants to run the house.”

  Sarah glanced at him, noting that he looked her way. Startled, she averted her gaze and pushed in a kitchen chair. She knew he was sending his mother home because of her, and she was pleased that he took her wishes into consideration. It was such a new thing for someone to actually listen to her.

  Gwen turned to her, her expression soft. “Sarah, do you need my help?”

  “Mother,” Neil interrupted. “I spoke to Sarah and this is what we agreed on. Don’t bring her into this.”

  Gwen seemed as if she wanted to protest but decided against it. “All right. Let me get my coat.” She left the kitchen, the sound of her shoes clacking along the floorboards of the hallway.

  Sarah fiddled with the hand towel. “Thank you.” The yellow cloth fell off the chair, so she bent to retrieve it. She realized her hands shook as she returned it to the back of the chair. She hated confrontations.

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

  She could argue that point. Jim, after all, hadn’t ever cared enough to do what she wanted. His mother always came first.

  “Emily is due to go to bed in an hour,” Neil said. “Since tomorrow is a school day, I’d like her to get a good night’s sleep. Will you tuck her in bed and tell her a bedtime story? I know that it
’s awkward for you since she’s having a tough time with her mother’s absence.”

  “I’ll manage. Earlier today, she agreed to let me stay. I don’t expect there to be a problem.”

  He raised a brow on his handsome face. “How did you manage that?”

  “I agreed that if her mother returns, I’ll sleep on the couch in the parlor.”

  He rubbed his eyes, looking weary. “I tried to make it clear that Cassie’s not coming back.”

  Walking over to him so that no one would overhear them, for who knew if Emily would leave her bedroom, she said, “She obviously loves her mother. I suppose it will take time before she realizes the truth.” She looked at him, realizing that the strain of watching Emily hope for something that wasn’t going to happen was difficult for him. “You’re doing the best you can.”

  His hand fell to his side and he took a good look at her, as if trying to determine whether or not she spoke sincere words. Finally, he smiled. “Thank you.”

  She wondered how often he heard a kind word. Her heart twisted in her chest. How many other people responded to him like she had days ago, like the people in her church did?

  His mother entered the kitchen with her coat. “All right. I’m ready to go.”

  Neil went over to her and slipped her coat on. “Emily!” he called out. “Do you want to say good-bye to Grandma?” He winced before looking in Sarah’s direction. “I’m sorry. Your son is sleeping, isn’t he?”

  A cry from upstairs brought a smile to her lips. “I was going to wake him anyway. He’s due for another feeding.” As she made her way to the bottom of the stairs, she cleared her throat. “I do appreciate your help, Mrs. Craftsman.”

  “Anytime. That’s what I’m here for.”

  The woman smiled at her, setting Sarah’s mind at ease. She hadn’t wished to upset her.

  Emily rushed down the steps. “Grandma, you’re leaving? Why? You were supposed to tuck me into bed and tell me a story about how my ma couldn’t wait for me to be born.”