A Deceptive Wager Page 15

  He should apologize. That would be a good place to start. He would just say he was sorry. He’d admit he was wrong.

  He returned to the door and knocked on it then took a deep breath. “I apologize for everything I’ve done. I realize now that I have treated you unfairly. I will change the way I treat you in the future.”

  He heard footsteps approaching the door and backed up.

  She flung the door open. He had hoped his apology would soften her up, but she seemed even more upset than she’d been before. “You must really think I’m gullible if you think I’m going to believe that. You’ll say anything to get that heir. Well, it’s not going to happen. Not in this lifetime. And not with me.” She glanced at the hallway, and it was then he noticed the butler coming up the stairs. “My trunk is in the room. Take it to the carriage and get the coachman.” Her gaze went to Aaron. “I have nothing else to say to you. As far as I’m concerned, we never got married. Now you can do whatever you want, and I can do whatever I want.”

  “It doesn’t have to be like this,” Aaron said as the butler went into the room. “We can work through this.” The butler carried the trunk past him, and since she began to follow him, Aaron added, “I know I’ve been wrong.”

  “At least there’s one thing we agree on,” she called out over her shoulder as she hurried after the butler.

  Aaron continued after her. “Please don’t leave. I want a chance to make things right.”

  “No. I’m not going to do what you want just so you can get an heir. You can control everything else, but you will not control me.” She reached the bottom of the stairs and told the footman, “Make sure Lord Northton doesn’t follow me out of the townhouse.”

  Aaron blinked in shock. If she was ordering the footman to do that, then she was much too upset with him to have a conversation right now. He would have to let her calm down. Then, at a more convenient time, he would talk to her. He stopped so that the footman wasn’t placed with the uncomfortable task of making him choose between the two of them.

  After a few seconds, Aaron went to a window and watched as Kitty went into the carriage. She didn’t look back. Not once did she look back.

  That was bad. If people looked back, it meant they weren’t completely done with someone, but if they didn’t look back, it was final. His mother, after all, hadn’t looked back, when she left, even though he’d kept asking her to stay.

  Back then, he hadn’t done anything to deserve it. But he’d done plenty to deserve it this time. By his words and actions, he had done everything possible to make Kitty want to leave.

  He hadn’t realized just how much his mother had hurt him until today. There was something about seeing Lilly with her newborn child that made him aware of how much he had wished things had been different in his childhood. If at any time his mother had looked at him with the same affection Lilly had been looking at Jackson, he would have known what it was like to be loved with such tenderness.

  Though Kitty wasn’t Jackson’s mother, he’d noted the softness in her expression as she held him. If she ever did have a child, she would give the child the same tender look Lilly had given Jackson. Wouldn’t it be nice if he could have a child who wouldn’t suffer the same pain of rejection that he had?

  One thing his father had regretted was knowing he couldn’t make his wife be the kind of mother she should have been to Aaron. “I didn’t know she was like that when I married her,” his father had told him as he did his best to console Aaron after she left. “I wish I had done better for you, son.”

  Aaron watched the carriage pull away from the townhouse and sighed. He didn’t know if he could make things right, but he had to try. He owed it to Kitty and to any children they might have to try.

  ***

  “You don’t know how fortunate you are to have a husband who isn’t going to try to take your child away from you,” Kitty told Emilia as she wiped her eyes with a handkerchief.

  The two friends were sitting in the bedchamber Emilia had arranged for her to stay in. The door was closed, and Emilia was sitting next to Kitty on the bed.

  Emilia put a comforting hand on Kitty’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kitty. I think it’s worse to be married to someone like Aaron than it is to be without a husband.”

  “It is worse,” Kitty replied. “At first, I was so upset to be constantly chaperoned that I didn’t even think over his demand for a child. It wasn’t until I was holding Lilly’s baby that I realized exactly what he was expecting me to do. How can someone ask a mother to live her life without her child?”

  Emilia set her hands in her lap and shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t understand why Aaron is so unreasonable about everything. It makes me appreciate Benjamin that much more.”

  “And Roger,” Kitty added. “He was so happy when I was visiting him and Lilly. Besides the day you married Benjamin, I can’t recall seeing a husband more in love with his wife. Roger doesn’t hold any ill will toward Lilly because of the past. He has forgiven her completely. It’s like nothing bad ever happened to them.” Such would never be the case for her and Aaron. There was nothing pleasant about Aaron at all. “I wish my brother had let me take my dowry and live on my own. I knew he wanted to get rid of me. I don’t know why he was so insistent I marry.”

  “I think he did that in order to make himself look good. If you hadn’t married, people might have blamed him for being a lousy chaperone.”

  “He was a lousy chaperone. I never thought I’d say this, but Gretchen wasn’t all that terrible. Once I got to know her, she was even nice to be around. She wasn’t so stuffy after a while.”

  “She probably recognized what was happening with Aaron.”

  Probably, though she’d never said a word about it to Kitty.

  “Well, you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need to,” Emilia said.

  “Are you sure your husband is all right with it?” Kitty asked.

  “Benjamin gives me everything I want. He’ll agree to this when he returns from White’s.”

  “I hope so.”

  “He will. You have nothing to worry about. This bedchamber is yours for as long as you need it.”

  “Thank you. If Aaron gives me my portion of the dowry, then I’m going to use it for my own townhouse.” That was, if Aaron gave her any money. He could very well keep it all to himself out of spite.

  “Why don’t we go to the drawing room?” Emilia suggested. “You must be thirsty after all that crying you’ve been doing.”

  Kitty wiped the remaining tears from her face. “I can’t. I look terrible. My face is red and my eyes are swollen.”

  “Then I’ll have something brought up here. Are you hungry?”

  “No, I can’t eat when I’m upset.”

  Emilia went to the cord and pulled it. “You’ll feel better. You just need to give yourself time for everything to settle down.”

  Kitty could only hope her friend was right. She didn’t want to feel this awful forever. She was glad of one thing, though. Thankfully, she wasn’t with child. It was to her benefit that Aaron delayed trying for the heir. At least she had the relief of knowing he wasn’t going to steal her child from her.

  Her gaze went to her friend. “When Benjamin returns, you should visit Lilly. It was nice to hold her baby. You’ll get an idea of what to expect when you have one.”

  “Well,” Emilia said as she returned to her, “I just found out this morning that I’m with child.” She winced. “I didn’t want to say anything, but I’ll want to tell Lilly, and it wouldn’t be right for Lilly to know when you don’t.”

  Kitty gave her an understanding smile. If only Aaron had been so mindful of her feelings. “I want you to be happy, Emilia. You and Lilly should have children.”

  “You’ll be like an aunt to them.”

  “I’ll spoil them all.”

  “They’ll enjoy that.” After a moment, Emilia added, “I hope Aaron isn’t as terrible as he seems. I’d like to think that he’ll show some
good sense and change his ways.”

  “I don’t think there’s any hope for him. He’s impossible to deal with.”

  “I hope you’re wrong. I know you didn’t want to get married, but it can be nice.”

  “That’s only if the husband is a good one.”

  A knock came at the door, and Emilia went to answer it. She told the maid to bring up a pot of black tea with sugar cubes then shut the door.

  Kitty let out a sigh. The day wasn’t even half over, and she was already exhausted. She just might crawl onto the daybed and take a nap.

  Emilia pulled out a table from the corner of the room and placed two chairs by it.

  “You’re a good friend, Emilia.”

  Emilia went over to her and hugged her. “Everything will be all right. I don’t know how things will go with Aaron, but at least you have people who care about you. You can treat this townhouse as your own. I want you to be as comfortable as possible. Maybe we can go for a walk or do some shopping later.”

  “I’d like to do some shopping.” And Kitty decided she would buy at least one red and one purple gown while she was out. The sooner she reclaimed her life, the better. “While we’re at the market, you can look for things you’ll need for your baby.”

  “Are you sure that won’t make you sad?”

  “How can I be sad about a child I never conceived?”

  “When you put it that way, I suppose it won’t do any harm to look for some baby items while we’re out.”

  Emilia’s eyes lit up with excitement, and Kitty smiled. She was glad everything happening to her wasn’t going to dampen Emilia’s mood. Emilia should enjoy the fact that she had a husband who loved her and a child on the way.

  Kitty was determined to do her best not to get in the way of that. Besides, it wasn’t like she was ever in love with Aaron. It would probably be a relief to go on with the rest of her life as if he’d never been in it. Then she could live like an unmarried lady and enjoy the fact that she got to control her own life. With a smile, she decided that was how she’d look at things. She sat at the table and waited to have tea with her friend.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Aaron didn’t want to go back to Roger’s townhouse. He spent the next two days at White’s in hopes his friend would stop by, but when it became clear to him that Roger would rather be at home with Lilly and Jackson, Aaron made himself go to his friend’s residence.

  He sat in the library, slumped in a chair, as he waited for his friend to show up. The past two days had been long ones. He didn’t think it was possible for time to go so slowly, or for events of the past to repeat themselves so often that he thought he might go insane. He rubbed his temples. He desperately wanted a reprieve from the memories of how he’d made Kitty miserable, but he couldn’t find it.

  The door opened, and he jumped to his feet. “I need your help.”

  Roger shut the door. “The footman said you looked distraught.”

  He did? Aaron thought he’d been doing a better job of hiding the turmoil raging inside of him than that. What was the point of forcing himself to smile if the servants weren’t fooled? He slumped back in the chair.

  “I’ve been a terrible husband,” he finally admitted.

  “Yes, I surmised that by the way Kitty acted when you two were here to see Jackson,” Roger said as he went to the decanter.

  “If you surmised it, why didn’t you visit me?”

  Roger poured brandy into two glasses. “Did you really want me to tell you that you’re not being nice to your wife? I didn’t think you cared if you were nice or not.”

  Aaron was about to say that he did care, but that would have been a lie. He let out a defeated sigh. “You’re right. I didn’t. Not until recently.”

  Roger went over to him and gave him a glass. “What changed your mind?”

  Aaron waited until his friend was sitting across from him before answering. “I realized she was a virgin. She hadn’t been going from one bed to another like I’d assumed.”

  “How did you realize that? Did you consummate your marriage and note the proof of her virginity?”

  “No. I haven’t been in bed with her. But when Miss Britcher left, I slept in the same room with her, and, without going into detail, she moved about the room as if I was Miss Britcher. If she had been with a gentleman at any time, she should have realized what I was thinking and how my body was reacting to her. But she was completely oblivious to any of it.”

  Roger sipped his brandy and nodded. “There is a difference between a lady who’s been untried and one who is familiar with the bed. Lilly makes love to me differently now than she did when we were first together. But, Aaron, I also know Lilly, and Lilly knows Kitty. When Kitty came over here to tell her about the chaperone, she said there was no sense in Kitty having one since Kitty didn’t even know how to kiss a gentleman.”

  “Yes, you tried to warn me. I was too foolish to listen.”

  Roger’s expression softened. “I think scared is a better word. You think every lady is like your mother.”

  “My mother hurt me. She hurt my father, too.”

  “I know.”

  Aaron stared at the brandy in his glass then drank some of it.

  “I heard Kitty is staying with Emilia and Benjamin,” Roger continued.

  “I haven’t gone to see her. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if she’ll even give me a chance to prove I’m not the monster she thinks I am,” Aaron replied as he recalled how angry she’d been at him when she left.

  “Tell her the truth.”

  Aaron laughed at the absurdity of doing such a thing. “The truth? Do you even think she’d listen to me?”

  “She might not listen, but I think you owe it to her to tell her the truth. It might work. That’s what Lilly did with me. I had to know I could trust her. Kitty has to know you’re going to stop comparing her to your mother, and she needs to know you’ll trust her to do what she wants without a chaperone. Marriage isn’t perfect, but there has to be a sense of honesty and trust between the husband and wife. Otherwise, you might as well let Kitty stay with Emilia and Benjamin forever.”

  Aaron took another drink and thought over his friend’s advice. After a moment, he said, “You’re right. I have to be willing to get hurt.”

  “If you want the kind of marriage Lilly and I have, yes, you will have to risk getting hurt. Every relationship involves being vulnerable to some extent, and the closer you are to someone, the more vulnerable you need to be.”

  Aaron studied his friend. “You’re happy.”

  “I am. I didn’t think I’d be when Lilly tricked me into marriage, but I loved her, and I had to decide to forgive her and push aside my pride in order to give our marriage a chance. Because Lilly was sincere, everything worked out. You have to be willing to let Kitty into your heart. That’s the only way you’re going to be happy.”

  “I know it sounds easy, but it feels like a difficult thing to do.”

  “It’s only difficult because you’re making it that way,” Roger said. “You start out with an apology. Then you tell her why you’re scared and why you assumed the worst about her. Then you ask her if she’s willing to come home. If she is, you let her go out by herself, let her wear what she wants… Give her the freedom to show you who she really is. In turn, you will show her who you really are.” Roger paused then added, “Even if you’re not that good of a chess player, you’ve got good wit and you’re a loyal friend.”

  Aaron found himself chuckling. “I’m good at chess.”

  “Sometimes.”

  “Often.”

  “Sometimes often.”

  “Regularly often.”

  Roger started to argue but shrugged. “Who am I to argue with someone’s delusion?”

  Aaron rolled his eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Thanks for the advice. I’ll use it.”

  “I hope it works. I’d like for you to have the kind of marriage your father never did. Judging by the way Kitty was w
ith Jackson, I doubt she’s the kind of lady who can leave her child.”

  “I think she’ll be a good mother, too.” In fact, he was sure of it. She was too upset with the idea he’d take their son and run off with him to think otherwise.

  After a moment, Roger asked, “Did you hear about Lord Edon and Lady Cadwalader?”

  “Don’t tell me he was caught having an affair with her,” Aaron said.

  “No. But she is livid with him. Rumors are going around that Lord Edon shared a dalliance with her niece. Her niece is in tears. Lady Cadwalader demanded her husband force Lord Edon to a duel. It’s to his benefit that her husband can’t do that, or he’d be making his will and testament right about now.”

  Aaron recalled the day Lord Edon had been bragging about his latest conquest. “I didn’t spread the rumor, but I was there when he was bragging about his time with Miss Covington. I’m sure he let the name slip elsewhere, too.”

  “Well, he’s currently hiding in his townhouse. Lady Cadwalader put the fear of God into him.”

  “Do you think it’ll do him any good?”

  “For a while, but I’m sure he’ll be sneaking off to a lady’s bed before too long. I just thought it was amusing to watch how Lady Cadwalader managed to scare him.”

  “It serves him right to be scared. He doesn’t mind being with a lady whether she’s married or not. It would be nice if he’d stop it. I don’t know why he finds such things amusing.”

  “I think he likes the fact that everyone talks about him. Some people like to be the center of people’s attention. Though, sometimes I wonder if he isn’t making some of his conquests up,” Roger said.

  “Even if he does, I’ll tie him up to Lady Cadwalader’s carriage so she can run him out of London and do whatever she wants to him if he says anything about Kitty.” Before his friend got the wrong idea, he added, “And I’ll know he’d be lying because I’ve learned my lesson about her. I know Kitty can be trusted.”