The Bargain Mail Order Bride Page 11

  Without thinking, she lifted his blankets and slid under them so that she could wrap her arms around him. He stiffened, but she didn’t let that stop her. She snuggled closer to him.

  “You’re cold,” she whispered. “I’m only trying to warm you up.” When he didn’t relax, she added, “When you stop shivering, we’ll go to the cabin. I just put wood in the cookstove. It should be nice and warm in there soon.”

  “I can go there now,” he replied through chattering teeth.

  “I think you should let me help you stop shivering first. Even with your coat on, you’re cold. Your skin is like ice. Why didn’t you come into the cabin last night?”

  “I was fine when I fell asleep.”

  She almost let him get away with the obvious lie, but she was afraid if she did, then he would continue to sleep out here all through the winter. She didn’t know if he made it a habit of doing that when Lydia was alive, but she wasn’t going to tolerate it. She wasn’t going to put him at risk for getting sick by allowing him to sleep out here anymore.

  “I think you were cold when you went to sleep last night,” she told him. “Have I given you a reason to think I won’t let you sleep in the cabin?”

  He paused then said, “No.”

  “Then why didn’t you go in there? It was much warmer in there even without the fire going in the cookstove.”

  He shrugged.

  With a sigh, she reached for his arms and wrapped them around her waist. “I care about you, Carl. I don’t want you to go through another night like this. I insist you sleep in the cabin from now on.” When he didn’t assure her he would do as she wished, she continued, “If you don’t, I’ll come out here and sleep with you. At least then I can help keep you warm.”

  “I’ll go in the cabin.”

  Noting the reluctance in his voice, she rolled her eyes. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I want to do what’s best for you.”

  “I know.”

  “If you know it, then why are you fighting me?”

  Since he didn’t answer, she shifted until she was able to make eye contact with him. As much as she had tried to avoid bringing Lydia up, she didn’t see how she could keep doing it. Lydia was responsible for the wall he had erected around himself. Sure, he hated his father, but his father wasn’t the obstacle that kept coming up between them. If they were ever going to be husband and wife in every sense of the word, they had to deal with his first wife.

  “I’m not her,” Juliet whispered. “You don’t have to keep yourself closed off from me. I won’t be the kind of wife she was.” She brushed his cheek with her fingers, glad to note they weren’t as cold as before. “You’re safe with me.”

  Then, just because it seemed to be the right time for it, she kissed him. She didn’t expect him to respond. And he didn’t. But she knew better than to push him too much, so she kept the kiss brief then settled back into his arms.

  For a long time, neither broke the silence that had fallen between them until he whispered, “I know you’re not like Lydia. Lydia was… Well, she was Lydia. It’s hard to describe her.”

  “I’m sure it is.” At least, that’s how it was in words. But the way he spoke and the way he grew tense expressed a lot more than he realized. “I just don’t want her to come between us.”

  She hugged him and closed her eyes.

  ***

  Carl came into the cabin that evening after he fed the horses. He set his blankets on the floor along the wall that was as far from the bed as the small room would allow.

  Juliet glanced at him from where she was sitting at the table brushing her hair. She only wore a nightshirt, but the table hid her legs so he wasn’t tempted to look at her longer than he should.

  Sometimes he thought it might be nice to hold her or kiss her, but he could never bring himself to do it. Yes, she was his friend. Maybe she was even becoming more than that. This should have made it easier to slip into bed with her and try to get her in the family way. But the very fact that he wanted to be with her was the exact reason why he couldn’t.

  It wouldn’t be a mechanical act with her. He couldn’t approach it the way he had on their wedding night when his sole focus had been keeping his claim to the stream. No. Next time he was with her, it would require him to be vulnerable. Completely vulnerable.

  Being with Lydia had never been easy, but love had never factored into the equation. That being the case, he was able to emotionally distance himself from her during the process. She hadn’t resisted him when he came to the bed. He often thought she enjoyed it since it gave her a chance to remind him of how inadequate he was.

  It wasn’t uncommon for her to compare him to the other men she’d been with or ask him how much longer he was going to take. One would think this would have made the process impossible for him, but it didn’t. All he had to do was focus on his mission to get enough gold to get out of this town, and as long as he did that, he was able to drown all of her words out.

  It wasn’t until he was done that the full impact of what she’d said finally sunk in. That was why he retreated to the barn loft. He never let her know how much she’d hurt him. To do so would only give her more ammunition to hit him with later.

  Beyond their first year of marriage, he hadn’t gone to bed with her until he found out about his father’s will. Of course, he hadn’t known she’d already been with child. Had he known that, he wouldn’t have put himself through the misery.

  He drew himself out of the past. He hated thinking of Lydia. It only brought up things he’d rather not remember, just as he didn’t like to think of his father.

  He turned from the blankets he’d put on the floor and removed his coat. After he placed the coat on the floor next to him, he sat down and took off his boots. He didn’t realize Juliet was watching him until he set his boots at the foot of his makeshift bed.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked.

  She’d stopped brushing her hair, but something in his question—or perhaps the way he’d asked it—prompted her to continue running the brush through her thick tresses. “Aren’t you going to sleep in the bed? We’ll keep warmer that way.”

  He’d been hoping she wasn’t going to ask him about the odd sleeping habit he’d acquired during the colder months while Lydia was alive. “It feels fine,” he finally said. “You did a good job keeping the fire going in the cookstove.”

  “Well, yes, it is warmer than it was this morning.” She spoke slowly, letting him know she was carefully choosing each word before she said it. “But it’s more comfortable in the bed than it is on the floor.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  Then, to show her he meant it, he settled under his blankets, pulled them up to his chest, and closed his eyes.

  “Aren’t you going to remove your clothes?” she asked in bewilderment.

  “I’m more comfortable if I keep them on,” he replied.

  “I couldn’t get comfortable sleeping in my clothes.”

  He waited for her to add something to her statement, but she didn’t. After a few minutes, he figured that was the end of their conversation for the evening and focused on going to sleep. But then, something light touched his arm, and he jerked into a sitting position, his eyes wide. He saw that she was kneeling beside him.

  “I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said with an apologetic smile. “I’m not sure how to say it, so I’ll just come right out with it.” She cleared her throat. “You are welcome to try for a child any time you want.”

  Lydia had been bold in her speech, so it wasn’t the fact that Juliet was being upfront with him that shocked him. What shocked him was the spark of interest he had at the invitation. But no. He couldn’t. Not between his fears that he didn’t know the first thing about pleasing a woman or the fact that he wouldn’t be able to separate his feelings from the act of making love to her.

  “It doesn’t have to be tonight,” she added. “I just wanted you to know you’re welcome to in the future.” She shrugged. “Or t
onight.”

  She stood up and went to the bed. He told himself not to stare at her. It would only give him an erection, and it was hard to go to sleep when his body was pressing him to take care of his needs. But he couldn’t look away from her. She had long legs. He’d enjoyed seeing them when she rolled up her pants when they were at the stream. It was even better when she had no pants on.

  Her breasts were nice, too. Full enough that he could fill his palms with them if he wanted. He hadn’t taken time to touch them on their wedding night because he was afraid he’d lose his arousal if he didn’t consummate the marriage right away.

  All it would have taken was for her to sigh in disappointment or chuckle at his pathetic attempts, and he wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. There was no stress on her part. All she had to do was lie still and take him into her. The burden of the work, of maintaining an erection and giving her his seed, fell on him. She had no idea how difficult that was. Women had it so easy compared to men.

  He settled back in his bedding and turned his back to her. He didn’t care to see if she was disappointed in him or if she felt sorry for him. Either way, he was better off not seeing the expression on her face when he didn’t go to the bed with her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The next morning, Juliet woke up before Carl did. She kept quiet as she got dressed. The cabin was much warmer than it’d been yesterday morning, which made her glad she had insisted he sleep in here instead of the barn loft. Even if he slept on the floor, at least he was better off than he’d been out there.

  Once she was finished putting on one of her dresses, she pinned her hair back into a bun. Today they would go to Caroline and Eric’s to have lunch. She glanced outside to see if they’d gotten more snow. No. They hadn’t. That should make the trip into town easy enough.

  She didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. It might be fun to talk to Caroline and Allie again. The two were nice women, and she had enjoyed their company when they’d come out to visit. It might even be nice for Carl to be able to talk to someone other than her. Even if they got along much better than she thought they ever would when she came up here to marry him, there were things men could talk to other men about that they couldn’t discuss with women. Her time with her brothers had taught her that.

  But every time she was around other people, she risked the chance she’d expose something that might make them suspicious about her. With Carl, she was safe. He already knew she was hiding something. More than that, he had accepted it. Never once had he tried to wiggle more information from her. The others, however, might not give her such leniency.

  Well, she had agreed to go to the lunch, so she was stuck with it. As long as she was careful in what she said, everything should be fine.

  She turned from the window and started on breakfast. This time of day was one of her favorites. Things were still quiet, and that allowed her plenty of time to think over everything. At the moment, she was debating what she might ask Caroline and Allie to keep the focus on them instead of her.

  She’d come up with a couple of topics by the time Carl woke up. With a glance at him, she smiled. “Good morning.”

  Carl rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?”

  “Hold on.” She placed the eggs onto their plates then grabbed the pocket watch from her trunk. “It’s five after eight.”

  He jerked into a sitting position. “I shouldn’t have slept in so late.”

  “You were tired. You didn’t get much sleep the night before since you were freezing in the barn.”

  He retrieved his boots and slipped them on. “I wasn’t freezing.”

  “You might as well have been by the way you were shivering. It took a half hour to warm you up enough so that you could come in here.”

  “It didn’t take that long.”

  “If not, then it was close to it.” She caught the exasperated expression on his face, so she continued, “I’m not trying to argue with you, Carl. I just want to make sure you stay in good health, that’s all. People can get sick if they don’t rest up enough after being cold for as long as you were.”

  Her answer seemed to calm him down, for his expression relaxed. “I’m not used to people caring if I’m well or not.” He paused then added, “Thank you.” He rose to his feet and crossed the room to get his coat.

  “Aren’t you going to eat?”

  “I have to feed the horses. I should have done it an hour ago. They’re going to think I forgot about them.”

  “I just made the eggs. They’ll be cold if you don’t eat them right now.”

  “I don’t mind eating cold eggs. I’ll get to them when I return.”

  She was ready to protest but decided against it. When her brothers wanted to do something, there was no talking them out of it, and the more she’d tried, the more she’d irritated them. If he wanted to eat cold eggs, she’d let him. It was better than getting into a fight.

  She watched him as he went to the barn then put his plate at his place on the table. She sat across from it and ate her meal in silence.

  ***

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Eric said as he held out a cup of coffee to Carl.

  From where Carl was sitting on the porch, he could hear Juliet, Caroline, and Allie laughing from the kitchen. Travis was still in the house with them. The children were playing a game in the yard. So that left Carl alone with Eric for the moment.

  Carl accepted the cup but didn’t drink from it. He’d already had enough to drink during the meal. “I don’t have a lot to say,” he finally replied when he realized Eric was staring at him.

  When Carl had accepted Caroline’s invitation, it’d seemed like a simple thing. Now that they were here, he was beginning to think he should have said no. He didn’t belong here with these people. He belonged somewhere else. Anywhere else. He didn’t care where it was as long as it would take him away from this town and all the people in it.

  But this wasn’t about him. It was about Juliet. She should have something she could look forward to, and since she wasn’t running off to spend time with other men, the least he could do was let her talk to Caroline and Allie.

  He was hoping Eric would go back into the cabin and leave him alone for a few more minutes, but such wasn’t his luck.

  Eric sat next to him, his own cup in hand. “Juliet seems nice.”

  Carl nodded. “Yeah, she is.” She was a lot better than Lydia, that was for sure.

  “Juliet’s from Texas, right?”

  Carl hesitated to answer. While he had burned the Wanted poster, there was the possibility that Eric had gotten other correspondence warning him about her.

  “I think Hank said your mail-order bride came from Texas,” Eric continued.

  He grimaced. “I wish Hank would mind his own business.”

  “It’s a small town.” Eric chuckled. “If anyone has a secret, it won’t be a secret for long.” Eric took a sip of his coffee.

  Carl watched Eric. Was Eric giving him a message? Was he letting him know that he knew Juliet was an outlaw? No. That was silly. If Eric knew, then he would do something about it. He wouldn’t wait for Carl to tell him. That wasn’t his way of dealing with things.

  Carl shifted in his chair. “I still think people would be better off minding their own business.”

  “Sometimes it’s good that they don’t,” Eric replied. “If Ida hadn’t talked about the dress Jerry had in his wagon, then I never would have figured out he was the one who was threatening you. Then I might not have gotten to you in time.”

  “I’m not saying I’m not grateful for what you did for me,” Carl began, “but was it really worth it? There doesn’t seem to be a reason that I should even be alive. I know Jerry was wrong to kill Lydia, but even after everything he did to me, I have a hard time hating him.” After a moment, he added, “Jerry had a wife who loved him and two children.” He glanced over at the two girls as they played with Caleb. “They might appear to be happy, but I bet they cry
when no one’s looking.”

  “I’m sure they do. But Carl, you have a right to be alive, and Jerry was wrong in what he did.”

  “I didn’t say he wasn’t wrong. I just wish things had ended differently. Wouldn’t you have let him go free given the fact that Lydia seduced him and then threatened to ruin his reputation? Don’t the circumstances outweigh the crime?”

  “I’d like to say yes, but the truth is, they don’t. My job is to enforce the law, not to make it. If someone kills another person, they have to be punished. Jerry knew what he was doing. He didn’t murder Lydia by accident. He planned it.”

  “Because Lydia pushed him to do it.” When Eric shook his head, Carl continued, “You didn’t know Lydia like I did. She was awful. She didn’t care who she hurt. She used to laugh at the misery she caused. Jerry wasn’t the only person she ruined.”

  “I understand Lydia wasn’t a saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that Jerry made his own choices. Jerry was responsible for what he did. One way or another, justice had to be served.”

  “That seems cruel when you take into account how much he had to live for.” He gestured to the girls.

  “I may not enjoy all aspects of my job,” Eric said, his voice sympathetic, “but I am bound by the law to uphold it. If I don’t, then we’ll have lawlessness back in this town, and if that happens, this won’t be a safe place for the people who live here.”

  Getting rid of that Wanted poster was the best thing Carl had ever done. He had a gut feeling there was a good reason Juliet committed the crime she had. No matter how terrible it was, it wasn’t worth having her spend the rest of her life in prison or get hanged for it.

  If only they could get enough gold to get out of here. Maybe they should get out of the country. If they managed that, then they wouldn’t have to worry about someone like Eric catching up to her. They would no longer be bound to the laws of the United States.