Loving Eliza Read online

  “Well, perhaps you’ll find someone to marry. I hear that Willy is a sweetheart. Though he’s a bit older than you, he’s a stable, hardworking man.”

  John gritted his teeth.

  “Of course, there is Buck, if you don’t mind a man who spends most of his time in the fields. That wouldn’t do well for a woman who wants lots of attention. You have to be willing to spend most of your time alone. Thankfully, Charity didn’t end up with him. She loves to be pampered.”

  “I am content with things as they are,” Eliza said before she took another sip.

  “Maybe for now. But the future is ahead of you, even if you are nearing an unmarriageable age. You should keep that in mind. Oh, there is Troy Evans. Why, he works for Buck.” The woman clapped her hands and giggled. “What a small world. At any rate, you can choose any of them.”

  Or there’s me. I’m right in front of you, you old coot. If John could speak, that’s exactly what he’d tell Bethany.

  “Let me introduce you to Chloe. You’ll like her.” Bethany grabbed Eliza’s hand and started walking away.

  Eliza glanced back at John. “Stay put. I’ll be right back.”

  John had a sinking feeling that Bethany would keep Eliza with her longer than a moment. And he was right. After five minutes, he found his corner and sat down. Again, he watched everyone else. Eliza stood to the side with Bethany, Chloe and Chloe’s sister. Eliza kept looking back at him, and at one point, she motioned for him to join her. He refrained. Instead, he averted his gaze so he could pretend he hadn’t seen her.

  He turned his attention to the window, noting it was a clear night. It would be a good two hours before he could go home. He sighed and let his gaze fall back on Eliza who laughed at something Chloe said.

  He hated being here. He hated being in town. He hated being alone.

  “John?”

  He looked over at his brother Shawn.

  “Aaron and Guy said you were here, but I didn’t believe them. Why are you hiding? We’re not kids anymore.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  Shawn sat next to him. “You look like you saw a ghost.”

  Irritated, he crossed his arms and directed his attention to Eliza who was still talking to the other women. So much for dancing with her...or coming so he could spend time with her.

  “You need to relax,” Shawn said. “I know how to make that happen, but we can’t do it here. Come outside with me.”

  John shook his head. He wanted to make sure Troy or Old Willy didn’t go near Eliza. If one of them did, he planned to go up to her so they’d back off.

  “We’ll only be gone for a minute. It won’t take long at all. Besides, this kind of thing relaxes me all the time.”

  John thought about it, nodded and strode out of the town hall so they could be alone. Interest peaked, he watched as his brother pulled something from his jacket pocket. It was a flask.

  “Take a good drink of this. In no time at all, you’ll feel good.”

  John accepted the flask but pointed to it.

  “It’s moonshine. Jerry makes it.”

  He’d heard the term before, but he couldn’t quite recall where.

  “It’s good for nerves.”

  Jerry seemed like a good man. At least, he didn’t make fun of him, and he had no reason to distrust Shawn. He nodded and drank from it. It had an odd taste, though it wasn’t exactly bad. He took another drink and decided it tasted fine.

  “Don’t gulp it all down. You just want to relax, not get drunk.”

  “I think I saw him come out here,” Guy said.

  Shawn motioned for John to hide the flask so John slipped it into his back pocket and turned to the entrance of the town hall. John noticed a warming sensation spread over his face. Was that because they were almost caught or was it the moonshine?

  Aaron and Guy came into John’s viewing range.

  “What are you two doing out here?” Aaron wondered, sounding suspicious.

  “Just taking in the fresh air,” Shawn replied. “Got a problem with that?”

  “No. We came to ask if you wanted to play some poker.”

  “Alright, but this time I’m quitting when I get to my last penny.”

  “No one forced you to lose all your money last time,” Guy said. “Well, come on. We’re about to start the game.”

  John hated this. Of course, they wouldn’t invite him. They never did.

  Shawn patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. In no time at all, you’ll feel better.” He ran into the building with Guy and Aaron.

  John stood there for a minute, waiting for the moonshine to do its trick, but he didn’t feel relaxed at all. Maybe he needed more of it for it to work. He pulled it out of his pocket and drank more. The flask was practically full. He wondered how much of this liquid it took to take effect. Deciding that his tension was pretty severe, he drank the whole thing. He waited until his muscles began to relax before he sauntered back into the place.

  Chapter Ten

  Eliza opened the kitchen door so Aaron and Shawn could help John into his bedroom. They dumped him on the bed.

  “Thank you,” she told them. “There was no way I could bring him here by myself.”

  “I’m sorry,” Shawn said. “I had no idea he’d drink all the moonshine.”

  “About that. Give me that flask.” Aaron held out his hand.

  “No. I never get drunk off it. I just drink it once in awhile to relax after a hard day of work.”

  “I don’t care. You don’t need to be drinking it at all. Don’t you see what it’s doing to Jerry and his marriage? Now, give it to me.”

  Shawn loudly groaned but pulled it from his jacket pocket and handed it to his brother. “Fine. You never have any fun.”

  “I’m the oldest brother in the family. It’s my job to make sure you don’t have fun.”

  Shawn glanced at her and rolled his eyes. “He means that too.”

  “We played poker, didn’t we?”

  “Sure. But you gave Ron his money back.”

  “Because we don’t rip anyone off in a game. Ron needs that money.”

  “You didn’t mind ripping me off last time.”

  “And you didn’t mind cheating either.”

  Shawn threw his hands up in the air. “I wasn’t cheating. I don’t know how that ace found its way up my sleeve.”

  Aaron shook his head. “We’ll get out of your way, Miss Sweet.”

  Eliza waved to the arguing brothers and went to help John. She found him asleep on the bed, looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world. She’d let him sleep with his clothes on, but she had to take off his boots. As she slid the last boot off his foot, he stirred.

  She glanced up and saw that he was staring at her. She placed his boot next to the other one and stood up, placing her hands on her hips. “You’re drunk.”

  He smiled and motioned for her to get closer to him.

  “Oh no. I’m not getting near you. You, Mister, are not in control of anything you do.” She’d been around drunk men before. The best thing to do was to get away from them.

  He sat up and patted the space next to him.

  “It’s a good thing you don’t act this way when you’re sober because if you did, I would have left a long time ago. You need sleep. Lie down and close your eyes. Oh, make sure you sleep on your side. You don’t want to choke on your vomit.”

  She turned to leave. Once morning came and he woke up, he’d be one unhappy man. Maybe she could get up early and make some coffee.

  By the time she made it to the kitchen door, she heard footsteps behind her. “You need to go to bed.” She peered over her shoulder. “Rest.”

  To her surprise, he stumbled forward and fell on the floor.

  She should just leave him there, but she didn’t have the heart to leave him there all night. She hurried over to him as he clumsily made his way to his feet.

  He straightened his vest and smiled at her.

  “Come on. You need to
go to bed.” She reached for his arm. “This time you have to stay there, you hear?”

  He didn’t budge.

  “John. Don’t make this difficult.”

  He pointed to his ring finger.

  She let her exasperation show. Even when he was drunk, he couldn’t stop proposing to her! What was she supposed to do with him?

  He took a step toward her, and before she could walk back, he wrapped his arms around her.

  “John—”

  He didn’t let her finish her sentence.

  She gasped when he kissed her. The alcohol sure did make him bold! He was still gentle, but he wasn’t hesitant like he’d been that day he kissed her by the creek. She was too taken off guard to know what to do, and for a moment she stood there, in the kitchen with him, and just let him kiss her.

  But the kiss was just as wonderful and sweet as it had been that day when he first kissed her. She didn’t want to enjoy it. She knew she shouldn’t. And yet, she did. It was different when a man who cared for her kissed her than when one who wanted to use her body kissed her. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint the difference, but she felt it.

  Despite her better judgment, she leaned against him and closed her eyes so she could better experience the kiss. Even if it was this one time, she wanted to thoroughly enjoy kissing a man who sincerely cared for her.

  He cupped her face in his hands and deepened the kiss. She didn’t realize she was clinging to him until her nails dug into his shirt sleeves. His lips were soft and warm, and she parted her mouth for him. He didn’t seem to know what to do, so she traced his lips with her tongue. He paused for a second before he opened his mouth and let her taste him. The alcohol was evident, but she didn’t care. Who knew that kissing a man could be this wonderful? This kind of thing could get addicting. He eagerly responded to her and explored her, as she explored him. Her heart raced with a mixture of joy and fear. She didn’t know what else to do but stay near him and experience the moment. It was as if no one else existed. She loved it. Loved feeling as if they were the only two people on earth and no one could come between them. For the first time since her parents died, she felt safe and protected. If only the feeling would last forever...

  When his lips left hers, he pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead, her cheeks and her neck. She groaned. Her body had been trained to respond to these things, though her heart hadn’t been. Up to this point, she kept her feelings closed off from every man who’d touched and kissed her. She struggled for the ability to do that now, but it was hard to do something when a part of her wanted to feel the uplifting emotion that made her feel as if she could walk on water.

  When he stepped away from her, she opened her eyes, wondering why he stopped. Then he pulled something out of his pocket. She had to squint in order to see it in the moonlight. A ring. How long had he been carrying a ring with him? She was too stunned to stop him as he reached for her hand and slid the ring on her finger.

  It was the most beautiful gesture a man had ever given her. She wiped the tears from her eyes and imagined, just for this moment, that she really could be a wife. Married to this sweet man and living in this simple house. The feeling was so real, and she wanted to hold onto it. She used to dream of marrying a good man long ago. Before her parents died and her entire world changed. Back when she was innocent. But she wasn’t innocent, and no amount of wishing would make it so.

  “I can’t,” she cried and yanked the ring off her finger. Her hands shook as she pressed the warm metal into the palm of his hand. “I just can’t.”

  He fell on his knees and hugged her.

  “Stop. Please. I can’t take this,” she said as tears fell from her eyes. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

  But he wouldn’t release her.

  “I’m not who you think I am, John. You need a good woman, one you can be proud to take home to your mother. You deserve that.”

  He looked up at her and she saw the hurt in his eyes. The greenest eyes she’d ever seen. They were as beautiful as his heart.

  “I want to,” she confessed, surprised even as the words came out of her mouth. “I do want to.”

  He took her hand again, but she snatched it back before he could slip the ring back on her finger.

  “But I can’t. I can’t!”

  She pushed him away and ran out of the house. She rushed to the safety of her simple dwelling and closed the door. She leaned against it, and unable to stop her tears, she spent the next hour crying.

  ***

  The next morning came too soon, and Eliza remained on the floor next to the door. She’d managed to doze off a few times but she couldn’t successfully sleep. The kiss John had given her the night before had unlocked a well of emotions that she had trouble handling. She’d gotten good at putting a mask on her face and acting as if everything was alright when it wasn’t. Now the mask had crumbled around her and she was left feeling far too vulnerable.

  She could still feel the cool metal of the gold band on her finger. She swore the memory would be seared into her mind forever. Was there anything lovelier than belonging to a man who loved her? But he didn’t know about her past. If he knew, he wouldn’t care for her. He just wouldn’t, and she hated the thought that he might not love her anymore. She wanted him to love her.

  But she shouldn’t. What about Daphne? Is she here? But she could show up. It’s been two months. If she got delayed, surely she’d send a letter. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe she isn’t coming.

  It was possible. And if she wasn’t coming, would it be acceptable for her to marry John? But he doesn’t know. Tell him. But what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?

  And so the thoughts circulated in her head. If she knew how to break the cycle, she’d gladly do it.

  Someone knocked on her door. Startled, she jumped off the floor even though her body was sore and stiff. She quickly wiped her face to get rid of the fresh tears and opened the door.

  “Good morning,” she told John who winced. She lowered her voice. “Sorry.”

  He held a pad of paper and a pencil.

  “Let’s go to the house. I’ll make coffee and we can talk there.”

  He nodded and walked with her to the house.

  She placed the coffee pot on the stove, careful not to bang it. “What do you want to ask?” she softly asked as she got everything ready to make the coffee.

  He thought for a moment and then wrote something down.

  When she finished, she sat next to him at the table and took the pad. “What happened last night?” she asked. It was hard to tell if that’s what he meant, but she figured after being drunk, that he would naturally ask that question first.

  He nodded.

  “Shawn gave you some moonshine to drink and you got drunk from it.” She paused and chose her next words carefully. “Do you remember what happened?”

  He took the pad and wrote on it. Litle.

  “You remember a little bit.”

  He nodded.

  “What do you remember?”

  He scratched his head and then wrote down, “Pepl lauf at me. Aron tak me home. Yu tak bootz off. We kiss. I slepe on floor.”

  Oh great. He remembered more than she’d hoped he did. She took a deep breath. “Right. You were drunk so you started dancing by yourself.”

  He cringed.

  “Aaron and Shawn brought you back here, and I took off your boots so you could sleep comfortably in bed.”

  He nodded.

  “Then you asked me to marry you again and kissed me again. I said no like I always do.”

  He nodded again.

  She studied his face. He didn’t look like he knew anymore than that. That was good. If he knew that she let it slip that she wanted to marry him, he’d haul her off to the church right away...whether he was feeling good or not. She cleared her throat and continued. “You didn’t make it back to your bed. You ended up sleeping on the floor. And now it’s morning and your head hurts.”

/>   He wrote something else and then handed it to her.

  She laughed. “Was the kiss good?”

  He nodded, his expression serious.

  “If you don’t remember enjoying it, then I guess it wasn’t.” She tapped him on the arm and gave him the pad back. Good. They could continue on as if it never happened. “I bet the coffee’s ready.” She got out of the chair and checked it. “Almost ready.”

  He motioned to her.

  She glanced over at him while she grabbed the cups. “What?”

  He held up the paper, pointed to his question and pointed to her.

  “Did I think the kiss was good?”

  He nodded.

  She hid her amusement. “A lady doesn’t discuss such things.”

  Rolling his eyes, he pointed to her again.

  Well, she guessed that she could at least make him feel good about himself. “I didn’t hate it,” she finally said.

  He obviously didn’t care for the answer.

  “That’s all I’m saying. Now, the coffee is ready. You’ll feel better once it’s in your system.” She poured the hot liquid into their cups. “I know this is terrible timing, but I need to go to the general store. Frank said the apples will be in today, and I want to try making you a pie.”

  He blanched and shook his head.

  She placed the cups on the table and sat back down. “You can’t avoid going to town for the rest of your life. So you did something foolish. Everyone’s done something stupid at one time or another. You just need to pick yourself right back up and keep going. You can’t let these things set you back.”

  Picking up his cup, he shook his head again before he drank from it.

  “Don’t you want to try one of my pies?”

  He shook his head.

  “What if I told you that this is important to me? I want to see if I can do it.”

  His expression softened. Then he put the cup aside and wrote, “Mary me.”

  “You spelled ‘Marry’ wrong.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  “M-A-R-Y is a woman’s name. See?” She wrote the name down. “M-A-R-R-Y is to wed someone.”

  He took the paper and pencil from her and quickly inserted a sloppy ‘R’ to the word. Then he gave it to her.