Bonus Material from the Nebraska Series Page 20

  ***

  Author to Sue Characters For Pain and Suffering

  (Posted on May 26, 2012)

  “Ruth Ann Nordin To Sue Dave and Mary Larson”

  by Joseph Connealy

  In what has to be a first for authors everywhere, Ruth Ann Nordin has decided to sue Dave and Mary Larson for pain and suffering.

  “I’ve had to endure Dave Larson’s ridiculous antics for the past year, and his latest stunt over this kidnapping thing was the last straw,” Ruth said. “Not only is it a first for an author to be suing a character, but have you ever heard of a character who is horrible enough to fake their own kidnapping? I mean, come on! This time Dave stooped to a new low.”

  Among Ruth’s complaints are time spent away from writing her books so she could write blog posts on Dave’s kidnapping, time spent in jail because Owen Russell wouldn’t let her find proof that Dave was hiding in the loft the entire time, and countless emails from Dave’s fans who demanded she return him at once.

  “And why are we using that picture of me?” Ruth demanded. “It’s awful for my image. I urge you to remove it at once!”

  Moving on to the other side of the story, Dave and Mary Larson were able to offer a response to the charges against them.

  “I don’t see what pain and suffering Ruth’s had to endure,” Mary said. “She was able to get two more books published in May. It wasn’t like we rendered her unable to be productive at all.”

  “People say I overreact to things, but Ruth takes the cake on this one,” Dave added. “No one told her to come to our time and ransack my house and barn like a lunatic. That was all her doing, and if you ask me, she needs to see a psychokenestiastialogist or something.”

  “He means psychologist,” Mary said.

  “Right. I guess.”

  As of right now, Judge Rick Johnson has agreed to preside over the case in this courtroom.

  Joel Larson has agreed to act as Ruth’s lawyer, and Tom Larson has agreed to act as Dave and Mary’s lawyer. It is rumored that Owen Russell and Sally Johnson are among the witnesses who will give their side of the story. Other witnesses may come forth in the weeks ahead.

  The verdict will be decided by the good people reading this blog. So be sure to keep up-to-date on the testimonies as they’re posted.

  ***

  The Trial: Ruth Ann Nordin’s Testimony

  Posted on May 31, 2012

  *As a disclaimer, I want to say that I’m not striving to be authentic in this trial. I have no interest in the details of how court cases are done, so I haven’t done any research in this area. What I know, I learned from the TV, and I think it’s safe to say that TV isn’t the most reliable method of research. So I plan to use the liberty of fiction while I’m doing these posts.

  *~*~*

  Bailiff: Court is now in session. The Honorable Rick Johnson is presiding over the case of Ruth Ann Nordin versus Dave and Mary Larson. All please rise.

  Everyone in the court: *stands*

  Rick: *enters the courtroom and sits down* You may be seated. Bring Ruth on up.

  Ruth: *goes to the chair at the front of the room and sits down*

  Rick: Hey Ruth, before I forget, thank you for writing my story.

  Ruth: You’re welcome. It was fun to write, Rick, especially since I got to know you better. I always wondered what made you fall in love with Sally.

  Rick: Well, I think you did a great job.

  Ruth: You know, it’s nice to be appreciated by one of my characters for a change.

  Tom (Dave and Mary’s lawyer): Objection!

  Rick: Why?

  Tom: The conversation you and Ruth are having is totally inappropriate for this case. Your book could interfere with the verdict. I suggest we get Judge Townsend to oversee the case instead so we can have a fair hearing.

  Rick: I’m not part of the jury, Tom. I’m only here to promote order in the courtroom. *bangs gavel* Your objection is denied. Now, we’ll get this hearing underway. Joel, go ahead and ask your questions.

  Joel (Ruth’s lawyer): *walks over to her* Ruth, isn’t it true that you write because you enjoy it?

  Ruth: Yep. It sure is.

  Joel: And isn’t part of that enjoyment dependent upon whether or not the characters cooperate?

  Ruth: It helps a lot if they do. Otherwise, I end up having to stop writing the story for a while, or I end up having to rewrite something.

  Joel: That sounds like a pain.

  Ruth: It is.

  Joel: But it isn’t just a problem when characters give you grief while writing the book. Isn’t it true that you suffer even when they bother you on this blog?

  Ruth: That’s the worst kind of suffering, Joel. That is done right out in front of everyone. It’s embarrassing to have others see how much one or two of my characters are against me. It’s like airing out my dirty laundry in public, you know? *sniffles* And I try so hard to please them. I stay up late at night writing their stories, give up TV and movies so I can focus on them, and throw out my outline of the story in order to write it their way.

  Tom: Objection!

  Rick: What is it now?

  Tom: Those are fake tears Ruth is crying.

  Ruth: They are not! They’re genuine. It’s why I have a tissue with me.

  Rick: Ruth’s allowed to cry, Tom. Objection denied.

  Tom: But she’s not serious about this. I mean, look at her clothes.

  Joel: Her clothes have nothing to do with this case, Tom.

  Rick: I can speak, Joel. Her clothes have nothing to do with this case, Tom.

  Tom: Are you kidding me? If she’s serious about this, she’d be wearing one of those dress suits women wear in her time period. As it is, she looks like she’s going to a party after this hearing is over.

  Rick: Objection denied, Tom. *bangs gavel* Now quit getting us off topic or I’ll hold you in contempt of court.

  Tom: *grumbles but keeps quiet*

  Rick: Go on, Joel.

  Joel: *snickers at Tom and turns back to Ruth* I see you have your laptop with you.

  Ruth: Yes. I always take my laptop wherever I go so I can work on a story when my characters are ready to tell me what to write next.

  Joel: It sounds like you’re dedicated to them.

  Ruth: I am. I am at their beck and call. I give up everything for them.

  Joel: *nods in sympathy* You aren’t appreciated for all you do, especially by Dave and Mary.

  Ruth: Don’t I know it! *sniffles* I think they take my work for granted. I mean, if Dave’s not trying to rewrite my books, he’s going around petitioning people to ban my books. And as if that’s not enough, he tries to gather all my other characters against me so I’ll get severe writer’s block and be unable to write.

  Joel: And when all of that didn’t work, he created the union.

  Ruth: Yes. Then when only a psycho nymph fell for it, Mary got involved and told him to fake his own kidnapping. And out of concern for his well-being, I went to look for him. I wasn’t the way Joseph Connealy made me sound. I wasn’t on a rampage like some kind of lunatic. I asked Mary if I could look for him, and she said yes. I had permission. I didn’t trespass on their property. I’ve been framed by Dave and Mary to look like I was guilty. He was trying to gain sympathy points from everyone, and it worked with Owen Russell, who arrested me and kept me in jail. And honestly, an 1800s jail with no plumbing is very disgusting. I didn’t have a flushing toilet, and I couldn’t wash my hands. When I finally got home, I had to take a shower three times and burned my clothes.

  Joel: It sounds like that was a traumatic experience.

  Ruth: It was! Really, Joel, what other author has to endure all of this?

  Joel: I can’t think of any.

  Ruth: Exactly. That’s why I have to sue Dave and Mary. I’m doing this to protect other authors from ever going through this with one of their psychotic characters. *sniffles*

  Joel: I believe you’ve endured enough. I have no more questions for the
victim.

  Tom: *mutters* Don’t you mean the drama queen?

  Rick: *clears his throat and shoots Tom a pointed look*

  Tom: *rolls his eyes*

  Rick: Next time, we’ll let Tom question Ruth.

  Stay tuned for Tom’s questions.

  Photo credit:

  Ruth as she suffers at the hands of her characters: ID 18479787 © Alanpoulson | Dreamstime.com

  ***

  The Trial: Tom Questions Ruth

  (Posted on June 5, 2012)

  Tom: *approaches Ruth* Nice picture you presented of yourself.

  Ruth: I don’t know what you mean.

  Tom: Oh puhleeze. Of course, you know what I mean. Last time you had a tissue and wiped your eyes and everything. You did this as a ploy to gain as much sympathy as you could. I saw that bottle of Visine you brought into the court so you could cry on command. Hence, the fake tears. If we were to see the real you in this whole fiasco, it would look like this!

  Joel: What is that supposed to be? A joke?

  Tom: No, this is not a joke.

  Joel: It has to be a joke. The tiara? Really?

  Tom: I figure if she’s going to act like a spoiled princess, the tiara fits.

  Joel: Objection, your honor!

  Rick: Sustained.

  Tom: Sustained? You denied all of my objections.

  Rick: That’s because you putting a tiara on Ruth and presenting her as a whiny snot is an effort to persuade the jury in their vote.

  Tom: And Ruth crying fake tears isn’t?

  Rick: You can’t prove the tears were fake.

  Tom: But the bottle of Visine–

  Rick: It’s conjecture, Tom. No one else saw it. Now continue questioning her but leave her picture out of this.

  Tom: *sighs* Fine. Ruth, the truth of the matter is, you habitually don’t listen to the needs of your characters. Case in point, Joel Larson when he didn’t want to get married to April.

  Ruth: And you’ll note that you had a hand in that one, Tom. You were more than happy to see Joel married off.

  Tom: But there are other examples, and none of them include me. What about the time Isaac Larson married Emily? Dave spent days and days crying–

  Dave: I wouldn’t say days and days–

  Rick: *bangs gavel* You’ll get your turn, Dave. Wait to speak until then.

  Dave: I just want to make it clear that I don’t go around crying. I’m not weak.

  Rick: Do I need to remove you from my courtroom for creating a disturbance?

  Joel: Your honor, let the record show that Dave Larson makes it a habit of creating trouble wherever he goes.

  Tom: Objection, your honor. Joel’s comment has no validity to this case.

  Rick: Objection denied. Let’s get back to the questions.

  Tom: *rolls eyes* Anyway, Ruth, you make it a habit of not listening to your characters, and there’s a long list. You have Dave Larson when it came to Isaac’s Decision, Claire and Nate in The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife…

  *a minute passes*

  Ruth: And….?

  Tom: I’m thinking, I’m thinking.

  Joel: Your honor, I ask that we move Tom along to another question. Ruth has obviously only had three grievances while writing a book, and one of them was Tom’s doing. Considering she’s had 26 romances, I don’t see how three books where she argued with her characters is enough to build an argument on.

  Rick: You’ll have to let the jury decide that one. Please move on to the next question, Tom.

  Tom: Alright. Let’s see… *rubs the back of his neck*

  Dave: *groans*

  Mary: *pats Dave’s back to comfort him*

  Tom: I know! Ruth, haven’t you time and time again told characters they will get books or that you’ll write their books at a certain time but then drop the book in favor of another one?

  Ruth: Well, that’s easy to explain.

  Tom: Is it? *crosses arms and narrows his eyes*

  Ruth: Sure. Some characters are louder and more demanding than others, and those are the characters I have to write about. I can’t make characters ready for the book. They either are or they aren’t.

  Tom: Sounds like you’re avoiding the question.

  Ruth: No, I’m not. It’s how writing works. Take Shotgun Groom. I was ready to write it back in 2010, but Joel and April weren’t ready until 2011. If I had written the story before they were ready, it wouldn’t have been the best book possible. Every time I write a book that isn’t ready to be written, I end up having to rewrite it. It’s how the writer’s mind works–or at least, it’s how my mind works.

  Tom: I don’t buy it.

  Joel: Objection! Whether or not Tom believes Ruth is irrelevant. The jury decides the case, not him.

  Rick: Objection sustained.

  Tom: What? Why do you always deny my objections, but you’ll sustain Joel’s?

  Rick: I don’t believe you have a valid point when you give an objection, Tom.

  Tom: I demand another judge.

  Rick: Too bad. You’re stuck with me, and it’s not up to you to decide who the judge is.

  Tom: That’s right. It’s not. But I know who picked the judge. It was her! *points to Ruth* She makes it a habit of manipulating things to her advantage, and for this case, she picked Rick Johnson whose book she just released. A book, I might add, which features him as the hero. She buttered him up and brought him here.

  Joel: Objection!

  Tom: Objection denied!

  Rick: Objection sustained! Tom, I’m ready to hold you in contempt.

  Tom: I have no other questions for Ruth. I believe everyone has proved my point. *returns to his seat and sits down*

  Photo credits:

  Ruth as the drama queen: ID 19493716 © Scott Griessel | Dreamstime.com

  ***

  Joel Larson Questions Tom Larson

  (Posted on June 9, 2012)

  Rick: Joel, who is your next witness?

  Joel: Tom Larson.

  Tom: Me?

  Joel: That is your name.

  Tom: But I’m a lawyer in this post.

  Joel: So?

  Tom: So? Lawyers can’t be questioned.

  Joel: Says who?

  Tom: Logic?

  Rick: What is the point in having Tom questioned, Joel?